Appendix H -- Synthesis Paper

Synthesis PaperKendra RhodesHuman Services 303Patricia FabianoMarch 7, 2008













Synthesis
In the beginning of this quarter we wrote learning outcomes for ourselves. My learning outcome dealt directly with my personal responsibility, to learn about interpersonal relationships and my contribution and participation in how my relationships progress. “A very big part learning about interpersonal relationships require us to reflect on ourselves, and our style and our responses to many different situations. It is only within good, honest self reflection that I learn the most valuable things about myself and how I interact with others. It is also more difficult to maintain the honesty and emotional availability vitally required during times of reflection on negative emotions or reactions than on positive ones” (week #2 Journal, 2008). My learning outcome was as follows: “Models a strong, healthy, productive style of self reflection which maintains effectiveness through honesty, persistence and emotional availability when both positive and negative emotions, reactions, actions and experiences are explored” I stated, “I will know if I've achieved this learning outcome by accessing the ease at which I face the more difficult parts of my inner growth. I will have a clearer understanding of the processes by which I arrive at decisions, manage conflict, and maintain relationships”(week #2, Journal, 2008).
I do feel as though I’ve made exceptional effort to consider the darker side of my responses and behavior as well as the easy perspectives in each instance of learning throughout this quarter. “Of course, it’s a much greater risk to travel the territory of the dark rather than the light, precisely because it’s geography is so much less visible, safe and predictable—that is why so few people regularly do so. But it is only by doing so that your most interesting and authentic traits will be revealed to you and you will most surely be able to successfully engage with the questions that you so boldly put forth” (Sachs, 2007, p. 103) I do, indeed, have a clearer view of my own processes. Interestingly, however, I’d assumed that the “ease at which I face the more difficult parts” would be more. It seems that in being available to see those parts and sit with them did not make anything more easy, merely more available and correspondingly, difficult. So I do gain something from “accessing the ease”, but, in much different ways than I’d expected. I will use this opportunity to reflect on some of the instances where I successfully stayed open to self reflection, even when things didn’t feel good. I will discuss my learning and feelings surrounding these efforts and apply my learning opportunities to the course learning outcomes as well as the National Standards.
The largest area of growth and learning for me has been appropriately centered on my triad group I worked with throughout the quarter. When the quarter began and we were assigned our group members I had an immediately negative and emotional response to the lack of control I had in choosing my group as well as the members of my group not being my preferred choice. In my initial reflections I tried to pinpoint exactly what was amiss. “While I do feel like the selection process was random and fair, I also feel somewhat trapped in my situation. While this is an uncomfortable feeling for me, it’s okay. Now in this quarter, it's not just me involved in the learning process anymore, now it’s about how I'm affected by other people and our relationships and vice versa. Being that those are people I didn’t choose makes it even more realistic. So, essentially, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, poised at the beginning of a long, uncomfortable, challenging, journey of learning. Even if I don’t like this, the scope of my uncomfortable feelings and my digging in heals to something new or unexpected only represent the ground I need to cover” (Week #3 Journal, 2008). I struggled for days in efforts to change my perspective about working so closely with people I hadn’t chosen and also someone I previously hadn’t enjoyed the company of. “Even from those first moments, I knew that I'd eventually figure out a way to embrace the situation, but I couldn’t seem to turn off the feelings to get to that point. As it turns out, I didn’t have to turn them off, I just had to feel them and talk through where they come from and it’s been changing slowly. The worst for me is all the guilt I feel in my selfishness and arrogance. In my head, it’s been all about me and my relationships and not really caring about others' positions. When Sharon said she wanted to be in a triad, not for a minute did it make me want to do that, for her... I was only thinking about what I wanted to do, and how it would affect me if I got "stuck" in that position. I was not even considering what I could gain from getting to know and work with her. No matter how much I knew in my head that my emotions were mirroring my selfishness I couldn’t change them. That made me even more frustrated and ashamed of my feelings, actions and words(Week#3 Journal, 2008). One turning point for me in coming to terms with my situation and making the best of it was when “we did an exercise in another class where we wrote a letter to ourselves about our strengths that we could, right now, bring to any internship. I wrote about how my strength in self creates flexability in my life and personality in which I am capable of working with many different types of people. I immediately realized, yea, that is one of my strengths and I'll be calling on it a lot through this quarter in this core class. I feel good about this progression and I still recognize that I have a ways to go” (Week#4 Journal, 2008). “Another big turning point for me came when in the second week of classes, Sharon approached both Rachael and I with a plan on when we could get together to do our first assignment together. I welcomed this idea immediately. I was instantly feeling much better. One of my main stressors while working in groups is when there are people who procrastinate and it affects me. Now, for once, someone was thinking ahead even more than I was. She also said that she remembers me saying that I really have to do things whenever I can find the time and that I don’t usually have the luxury of procrastinating. I appreciated her thoughts on this so much, I also very much appreciate working with people who are likeminded with me in this way. If there were any traits I could have hoped for in my group-mates it would be this” (Week#4 Journal, 2008). “Generally speaking, if people are content and believe they are gaining something from the group [they are working with], they are more likely to contribute and be active group members” (O’Hara & Webber, 2006, p. 111). This is exactly what happened to me. In that moment, I had tangible evidence that I would benefit from this relationship. My group had something to offer me. It wasn’t all about me anymore, but who they are and what they bring to the table. This initial experience immediately began to demonstrate what I was to learn according to Learning Outcome #2 as it pertains to healthy and unhealthy interpersonal relationships. Being open to the reality that everyone involved in the relationship is a contributing member is a vital step in gaining that understanding. Any step toward this achieving this learning outcome also contributes to my learning associated with standards 13, 17, 19, 20.
Another area I struggled with in my triad group, was wanting and needing to provide some feedback on one group-mates personality. I’d always felt something uncomfortable about her style in class and her approach to being a student. Through reflections and conversations with the instructor, I decided to own my perspective of who I saw her to be, for a while. I’d also decided to stay open to the opportunity in which I could communicate some of the things I struggled with about her. This stance was probably the best decision I could have made.
Throughout this quarter there were a series of learning instances that molded me and my perspectives on my relationship with her and with everyone else around me in such a beautiful way. I can honestly say that I relate to people, and her, differently than I did a few short weeks ago.
First, in accordance with Learning Outcome #4 and national standards 12, 13, 17, 19 and 20, I utilized the listening assessment opportunity to critically evaluate my listening abilities and tendencies. I not only learned that I need to listen more, but that I need to talk less. This was an important aspect of the quarter for me. Each and every class and interaction I concentrated on how much I was talking, and how much I was thinking about talking. I turned up my sincere interest in what people were saying and turned down my immediate response to share what comes to mind. Not surprisingly, this was amazingly helpful in the instances working within my triad group. Surprisingly, within this context of speaking less, I noticed something vital to my learning style. I talk a lot in the learning environment because that is how I process. I hear a concept, say what I think or “try it on” by speaking it, and then I can move on. I listen best when I can contribute in a dialogue. By contributing, I ensure that I really understand what is being offered. When I began to suppress my tendency to speak up, I noticed that I was having a hard time moving from one topic to the next. My train of thought would get stuck when I couldn’t say what I was thinking, and hence truly understand. I’d dwell on the concept in my head, trying to figure it out on my own. I was still committed to giving space in the classroom for others to speak so I began writing my responses as an alternative. In some ways this was helpful, and it also became very frustrating. By the time I wrote down my thought I was lost from where the class conversation had gone. I spent a hugely increased amount of time trying to figure out what was being discussed. Being that I am usually engaged in the class, it was very uncomfortable for me to be out of the conversation. I spent a majority of the quarter trying to find the balance between sharing my thoughts and writing them. As far as my listening, I noticed and others noticed how I’d been changing and it really has paid off to have carried the open mind about the assessments about my listening abilities as they stood, and begin taking steps on improving them.
By the time I finished the True Partnership book I’d learned enough about my triad partner through working together and about my attitude toward her that nearly all of my simmering “feedback” was irrelevant. I thoroughly soaked in the true partnership perspectives. Learning outcome #1 as well as national standards 12, 17 and 20 are addressed by my newly gained perspectives. The concept of each person’s limiting Drift helped me to focus and stay open-minded to truly valuing other people and their perspectives. “[L]isten for what you and the speaker might accomplish together or have in common. What is the connection between you and the other person that can be used to move beyond the drift—the sence of being separate?” (Zaiss, 2002, p.69). By truly being open to learning my group-mates story and listen to her as a person and who she was showing me through her actions and words, I began to appreciate her more than I could have foreseen. Now I knew why she was the way she was and it was not nearly so uncomfortable for me to hear her relate to the people and things around her. I was beginning to truly understand her perspective, and it became as important as my own.
Another couple class concepts that helped me through this quarter are the conversations we had as a class about being “open minded”, accepting feedback in the form of “three A’s”, and also thinking in terms of being a $20 bill. All three of these correlate to Learning Outcome #3 as well as National Standards #17, 19, and 20. We as individuals are interconnected and our relationships are interconnected.
Some people truly believe they are being open-minded if they are willing to “hear out” someone. But we articulated in class that it’s not just about sitting with open ears as much as it is sitting with open-ness. Open to being influenced, changed, nudged into new thinking. An open minded person is willing to try something on for size and maintaining the option of keeping or not keeping the new perspective as their own. Being open-minded is tangibly acknowledging the connectedness between us by letting it be real within you.
The “three A’s” of receiving feedback have saved me in a couple specific situations where communication could have been miserable and turned out to be extremely productive. The “three A’s” mean: Acknowledge what the person is saying, ask for more information, and add you’re your own perspective. This is another tangible way to embody our connectedness. If you can truly hear what people say to you in this way, you are truly living within the connectedness of our relationships.
The talk we had about being a $20 bill was very profound to me. It came on a day where I was definitely feeling “less than”. I got to thinking that not only was the crumpled bill just as valuable, it could be argued that it is exceedingly more valuable than the brand new crispy bill. Each crease and crinkle in the old and worn bill represents the times it’s been used and utilized its value. It has passed hands, spread and proven its value over and over again. Its value has touched so many more people than the “perfect” bill. Even though sometimes it feels exhausting, overwhelming, and burdensome to be “crumpled”, it represents, to me the many, many instances in which I’ve used my value to touch peoples’ lives.
Viewing yourself and your relationship with an open mind, accepting feedback and maintaining a valuable view of yourself are all important aspects of recognizing and accepting the connectedness of us as individuals and our relationships as well.
In the end, my triad group was exactly as it should have been. I learned so much about those people and even more about myself. I feel that every step along the way, I was able to integrate new learning and perspectives in order to uphold my own responsibility in creating a healthy relationship. One of the easiest aspects of this quarter and working together was our common ground with the “true Colors” exercise. Surrounding all of my inner turmoil with my group, we understood one another on some very basic and fundamental ways. We were all three “primarily blue” personalities. Most of the time, we spoke the same language and our communications were smooth. Each of our approach to nearly every hurdle was the same and comfortable. It is easy for me to get caught up in pointing out my struggles within the triad group, but I also acknowledge this glairing benefit we inevitably relied on time and again.
For me, there has been an undercurrent of learning within myself this quarter. I used many of the concepts of this course in helping me through a more personal level of learning. I began to think even more about the concept of the drift. Sometimes our past and the world outside of us create our drift and sometimes we create it within ourselves. An issue, a current topic that hardly releases its grip from my thoughts long enough for anything else to escape. Much of the time this quarter I’d been struggling to escape my own current drift, bring myself to the present situation, and simultaneously exist within my drift for reflection and growth (Week #8 Journal, 2008). It seems that when I create the space within myself for truly honest reflections there really is no end to what I may learn. I’ve spent much of my time this quarter thinking about things I hardly knew existed within myself. The exercise we did in class regarding the Johari window of personality was so enlightening for me. Acknowledging that there were not only things that I was not letting others know about me, but that there were things I didn’t even know about myself. “Admitting that who we are is different from who we have been pretending to be enables us to be vulnerable and lets other people get to know our authentic self”(Zaiss, 2002, p.73). Vulnerability among others is a place I’ve spent time in this quarter as well. It not only lets other people get to know me, but also gives the opportunity to stretch my johari window and learn about myself as well. In the spaces of my vulnerability, I’ve seen up close some of the seams of my spirit which hold me together, and sometimes begin to unravel. Stretching myself to the outermost boundaries this way has been, at times, enlightening, exceedingly uncomfortable, and exhausting. When I get to these places, I have been stubbornly sticking to my original learning outcome of sitting within the difficult reflections as well as the easy ones. I’m realizing that my natural intensity has often become too much for myself and those around me. At one point this quarter I gave a close friend of mine a perspective, my perspective on her. I immediately recognized I should listen to my own words. “Breathe, let go, stop thinking for a while and just sit still. Hold off on judging yourself. Holding onto your fears for dear life is something you’ve done before and it’s not working”. So, I’ve got a new goal. Find space for all the intensity I feel. Learn to regulate my relentless commitment to working through inner conflict. Take breaks from this stuff. “No matter where and when you exist, the song of your soul is always being sung, even if, at times, in the faintest of whispers…pay close attention to that which plays, radiant inside you” (Sachs, 2007, p. 102). I want to listen to my innermost thoughts as whispers instead of the yelling I’ve been hearing the last couple months. I continue to strive for authenticity in my life. Real authenticity in which not only do others see me as I am, but I do as well. Also, that I may stay true to myself in thoughts and actions even in times of struggle and difficulties. In the words of mother Theresa that speak so clearly to me: “I do it not to change the world, but so that the world doesn’t change me” (Parent, 1998, p.354).




References
O’Hara, A., & Webber, Z. (2006). Skills for human services practice: Working with individuals, groups, and communities. Victoria, Australia: Oxford University Press.
Parent, M. (1996). Turning Stones: My days and nights with children at risk. New York: Fawcett/Random House.
Sachs, . (2007). When no one understands. Letter to a teenager on life, loss, and the hard road to adulthood. Boston: Trumpeter.
Zaiss, C. (2002). True partnership: Revolutionary thinking about relating to others. San
Francisco: Barrett-Koehler.














Self-Assesment
I believe this paper will be a substantial addition to my portfolio. That is why I have given myself an A. I did not cut corners in writing this paper. My approach was honest and complete. I did not attempt to “bust out” this paper, rather I took my time to really create some evidence of learning from this quarter.
I demonstrated clarity and comprehension of course material by naming the concepts and ideas as well as showing how I was able to apply that material into my thinking and actions. I do feel as though I integrated relevant and personally notable course material in my paper. I showed that not only did I grasp what the course had to offer, but I found ways to integrate them into who I am and how I interact.
I successfully used critical thinking skills in how I was able to use my gained knowledge and reflective abilities in order to truly grasp the realities of my learning through the span of the quarter. I was able to look back and articulate what I’d been feeling and show the progression, through course work on how I’ve improved and changed.
My level of depth and breadth in this paper is exemplary. I speak from a perspective on the big picture of my learning while naming specific and complex examples of learning. I was able to demonstrate how I took concepts from the course and applied them in my life in deep and meaningful ways.
I withheld one point in the category of skill for this paper. I feel like there are places in my writing and flow of the paper that could be improved with more information and detail, however I was also attempting to be mindful of the length. To me, and with my grasp of my learning this quarter I left some things out that could have been further explained, but I had to choose. I struggled with organization and recognize that some structure may be questionable or hard to follow. I feel that my references to the learning outcomes and national standards are a bit choppy, as well. Additionally, there is a portion of my paper that I did not want to leave out. It is near the end where I discuss my own inner growth throughout the quarter. I was not able to be more specific in my examples of ideas and learnings, at this time so I took the chance that it came across vague. My hope is that I was able to provide enough evidence of my learning and progress of thinking that I did not risk the effectiveness of the paper. This is difficult for me to critique because it is my thoughts I’m leaving out so I’m not sure how to tell what’s missing, if anything.
And yes, I’ve completed this paper on time. I’ve even hit my own personal due date so I can go out with my friends this weekend. This makes me proud and happy. So I feel I deserve that “A” with the recognition that it is not perfect identified with the one missing point.