Appendix G -- Joint Paper, Healthy Relationships

Joint Paper/ Healthy Relationships Checklist
Rachael, Sharon, Kendra
In our first draft of the checklist we didn’t have much organization with the checklist items. However as we explored these items more in depth, we realized that there are multiple categories that naturally pop out and group together, just as there are multiple aspects of communication. The four main categories or sections we split the checklist into are Communication, Conflict Management, Individual Attributes, and Group Attributes. Each aspect cannot work alone, but rather there must be a balance of all four in order to create and successfully maintain communication in a healthy relationship. For example, a healthy relationship cannot survive if one person is always talking and everyone else in the group has little input. It takes teamwork, equal contribution, honesty and patience to make sure that everyone is heard and understood. On the other hand, a healthy relationship also centers on the reality that each member must bring individual, specific and unique attributes to the group such as good listening skills, discretion on when to speak and when to keep silent, and willingness to respectfully acknowledge other perspectives. By creating and viewing our checklist with an open mind, we took a look at some of the capacities and limitations of individuals, as well as course materials and created a guideline to keep in mind when striving toward healthy working relationships. We focused separately within the individual system with attributes of flexibility, but did not remove ourselves from respect. We applied positive attitudes to developing our limitations and strengths. Most of the additions to this revised checklist were incorporated through thinkings derived from True Partnership as well as class discussions. Much of what we came up with speaks to the diversity of human systems.
In order to serve both the large and small human systems, we integrated healthy human service skills such as communication, conflict management, and listening. Using critical thinking, we incorporated personal and group values and attitudes that would open opportunities to reach objectives and goals within interpersonal communications. Having an understanding of the systems that shape who we are and further, shape our relationships and how they form is the undercurrent of this checklist. So many of the checklist points we made require the use of systems-thinking to integrate into a relationship effectively. For example: In order to have a good sense of self knowledge and be continually working on it, the systems that shape each person become a focal point of that reflection. In order to truly respect those people you work with, treat them with equality and value their perspectives you need to take into account the systems that affect them as well as the systems that shape how you perceive them. In order to truly be open minded, uphold “both/and” thinking (Zaiss, 2002), maintain teamwork mentality, and truly listen; some level of understanding of the systems influences on your relationship is needed. Further, all of the interpersonal abilities listed in the checklist put together and mastered may not even be enough for a truly healthy working relationship. It is necessary to recognize that each individual has active systems at work in their lives that influence their ability to schedule, meet, focus, and be productive. Carl Ziass talks about the effects of these systems in our lives as “the drift” in his book True Partnership. Each person brings a mix of personal history, current situations, individual diversities, health, family, inner conflicts, and overall feeling of the day, all of which will affect how the working interactions will flow simply by being a part of that individual.
Beyond the individual system, we entered the group system with equality and teamwork using our diversity to find commonalities and brainstorm ideas. A broadened perspective shows that while each individual has systems that must be self and interpersonally recognized in order to interact healthfully, there are also larger systemic influences that shape working relationships overall. For example: The weather prevents them from carrying on with the laid work plan for the day. Or: The cell phone service provider drops all calls that day and the work for the day relied heavily on that connectedness. Or: Everyone wants to move forward with a new big idea but work must be held off until all the legal aspects are considered and addressed. These examples could go on and on. Clearly, there are an overwhelming number of larger systems that effect the interactions and hence relationships of people working together.
Working together to make a checklist about working together was interesting and helpful. All of the great ways to treat one another and productive ways in approaching tasks were right in front of us while we were working. It was not difficult to find information from the class readings and from our own experiences to fill a page on healthy ways to interact. It’s interesting to realize how easily our list changed and grew with just a few weeks of learning in between. It will not only be interesting to learn what the other groups came up with according to their respective standpoints and relationships but also further proof that our systems influence us all individually and we all individually influence our working relationships.