Appendix E -- Return on Investment

Return on Investment
Kendra Rhodes November 21, 2007
It is important to me to represent the National standards, course learning outcomes and simultaneously be true to the type of growth and learning I’ve obtained through this course. I have a slew of insights, skills and improved abilities that I’ve acquired. Most of the things I’ve learned have more directly to do with my own personal growth than directly with practical skills of a human service professional. I feel that capturing, and focusing on what I’ve truly gained from the numerous self learning and reflection opportunities of this course will, over time translate to the professional knowledge, awareness, and skills application that this program of study requires.
The gain that has been the most important to me is the feeling of self validation I’ve gotten from the experiences in this class. I have realized and highlighted a handful of strengths I was only marginally aware of before. These gains relate to my abilities to articulate my thoughts in speech and writing, think critically about reading and concepts, use self reflection and creative ideas in my approach to course content and incorporate all of those strengths as tools in learning.
Near the beginning of the course I would commonly be heard making comments about my personal feeling of my lacking ability in articulating my thoughts sufficiently. Over a few weeks I began to hear people telling me they didn’t understand why I said that, what I was talking about always made sense to them and helped everyone. Other students have asked me what I think about topics and content actually seeking my input. Ultimately, it was Sharon who helped me to accept my actual ability to articulate sufficiently and quite well at times. She confided that, without me, she would have had no idea what to do or how to understand the course up until that point. She even referred to me as her “little mentor”. Not only was that flattering, but also a needed boost in my confidence to begin seeing myself as someone who not only had something to say, but could do it well.
Not only did I need convincing that I could verbally articulate myself, but I’ve always had doubts that I could write well enough to be truly proud of what I’d produced, or feel that I truly communicated what I set out to say in my writing. When I approached our standpoint paper I truly wanted to learn something about myself. I really opened myself up to self reflection and consideration and the product was not only something that made sense, but it was something I was very proud of in terms of clarity and depth. As it turns out, I can be articulate in my writing as well.
The term critical thinking is somewhat intimidating to students because it is a fairly intangible concept. Our talks in class about critical thinking came at just the right time for me, to really improve my critical thinking skills. I was reading Parker Palmers book Let Your Life Speak when I found myself being extremely negatively critical of the book because I didn’t agree with one of the concepts that he used to make a point. It was about destiny, or a predetermined life path, something I’ve never believed in. The first time the book struck me against my beliefs was when Palme said, “Vocation does not come from a voice ‘out there‘ calling me to become something I am not. It comes from a voice ‘in here’ calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God.” I physically felt my guard go up to anything he was trying to say in the book because I didn’t believe in this one theory. When I began to really grasp what critical thinking was all about, Palmers’ book was the perfect instance for me to realize I don’t have to agree with the author completely to agree with some (or even most) of the insight they offer. As it turned out, I gained a lot from that book and enjoy the freedom I feel from not feeling tethered to the entirety of any one resource.
Critical thinking about concepts is a whole other “feel” of critical thinking for me than the above mentioned thinking in approach to new information. Palmers’ book does bring up the concept of destiny. I remember this being a big deal for me and we had a class discussion about that and I was able to reconsider some of the stances I’d held on destiny before. In some way, for some people, (even, perhaps, the author himself) destiny may just mean the act of being true to one self no matter what and not living a life that is not suited to you. I believe Mikel was the one in class that brought up this point of view. I felt real growth in my ability to critically think about concepts and my own convictions. Another opportunity I remember practicing my critical thinking about concepts was our class discussion about the standpoint essay and the existence of universal reality. In class I offered my view that reality only exists to each individual and there is no such thing as a universal reality; and I was ready to hear what was said about this concept. I think being able to consider any given concept in context of your own convictions as well as simultaneously try on other views or interpretations for size, not just to see if I believe in them, but to truly see the other positions, is demonstrating definite progress in critical thinking skills. Additionally, to realize that often times it’s okay to agree with both or all the viewpoints or at least see the validity of them, is another stride.
I’ve always felt that my self-reflection ability was commendable, given that I am a very inwardly motivated person. However, I do feel that I utilized this strength specifically so to improve myself this quarter. I’ve always held a level of self-consciousness with my verbal contribution to classes. I thought I spoke too much, and that I was “one of those” students that everyone’s heard enough of. Each and every class period I tried to pay attention to classmates’ verbal and nonverbal feedback when I contributed to class conversation. I rarely received negative feedback and, to the contrary received numerous compliments, raised eyebrows, nodding heads and questions for more detail in my ideas. Now, after these weeks of classes, I am fairly confident that when I share my thoughts, they are welcomed, contributing and often times stimulating to the class discussion. Another specific way that I’ve used my self reflection to further my experiences is in learning to listen more intently and learn names. During the first class period, I gave a very public, somewhat embarrassing, and honest effort in making a point to learn names from the beginning. Also, with the encouragement of the instructor concentrated on listening first and intently when we did interviews of each other. During the break of that class I had two people tell me that they were glad for the emphasis I’d made because they, too, historically have a hard time remembering names, and jokingly said they, now, would surely not forget mine. One person said that verbalizing my weakness helped take some pressure off of them because they knew they weren’t the only one who struggles in that area. For me, these are the best compliments. Letting people know they are not alone in an experience is an important accomplishment. According to O’Hare and Webber, the process of critical reflection “can encourage accountability, and can lead to a greater sense of coherence and clarity. Others have described a greater sense of self-affirmation and self-directedness” (p. 14). Given my experiences in improving my self reflection this quarter, I have felt first- hand what they are talking about here. It feels good to have had the opportunity to fine tune such a useful form of improving myself.
My creative mind took immediately to the class in which we talked about mind mapping as a way for approaching assignments, class discussions and just about every thinking exercise. I’d been told about mind mapping before, but this time it really stuck. I began using mind mapping for every group work and note taking opportunity. In the groups directly following the mapping exercises my group members were happy and excited to have someone really demonstrate how helpful it could be, especially when a handful of people were contributing ideas. I feel that my participation in nearly all our small group discussions, I had something valuable to add. Be it using mind maps to take notes or tie together ideas for everyone. I specifically remember the small group we did when we were talking about allies. More than once I noticed connections in what we were saying and offered overview perspectives. I tied together ideas we’d talked about and validated my group members’ ideas by noticing how it directly related to our topic. In my mind I was “thinking in mind-map”, noticing themes and making connections.
My personal strides in the name of articulation, critical thinking, self reflection and creative ideas relate directly and abstractly to the learning outcomes of this course and the National Standards of the program. Standard 13 and Standard 17 both incorporate elements of strengths and limitations and growth potential in individuals as well as the personal contribution a human services professional makes to any one situation. Standard 19 requires the belief that individuals can change. I have embodied that truth. Of the standards, 20 is the one that my growth most directly relates too, bringing in the theme of personal awareness. In regard to the student learning outcomes, I feel that standard 2 is most directly related, again with the theme of personal awareness. The skills that I’ve described have all contributed to my accomplishment in maintaining each and every learning outcome. I draw on these strengths (and improvement of them therein) to ensure my performance in each task at hand. These learned and practiced skills are my vehicle in attaining both the goals of the course as well as the program.
Another spectrum of gains I value from this course has been related to new ideas, changed perspectives and renewed interest in concepts or topics. I thoroughly enjoy thinking in terms of these new insights I’ve gained. As human service professionals,
“we are working philosophers, but the sort who are continuously evolving our ideas in the light of new experiences, new data and conflicting perspectives. While it is sometimes confusing and disorienting to face things that directly or indirectly conflict with our most cherished beliefs, a growing practitioner is one who remains open and flexible” (Kottler, p.35).
I personally like to think of this open type of thinking as something that not only helps me in becoming a good professional, but in growing as a person in all aspects of my life.
One new idea that I’ve enjoyed thinking about and internalizing is Chaos theory. Many of the ideas in the book The Seven Live Lessons of Chaos validate me and many of my traits. In many instances in my life I’ve felt flighty and non-decisive. “Chaos, it turns out, is as much about what we can’t know as it is about certainty and fact. It’s about letting go, accepting limits, and celebrating magic and mystery” (Briggs & Peat, p.7). I highly value my artistic outlets and perspectives and this book seems to think I’m doing something right and it dedicates an entire chapter to creativity. I also really listened while reading the chapter on “exploring what’s between” when they explained the theories inherent tolerance for “both side” thinking that I embody much of the time. I think this is the kind of book that can be read at different times of life and get different things from it. I look forward to reading this book again, and possibly again, just to see what happens to my thinking then.
I had another changed perspective in the process of writing my standpoint paper. In the end this assignment was more about me than it was about the points. I learned a lot about my own prejudices and limitations and places in my own personality and standpoint for improvement. I wrote one sentence that struck me as it was coming through my fingers. It identified one key in my overcoming negative feelings toward people was to “Value their weaknesses as much as my own strengths.” I had what one would call an “ah-ha” moment. Or as chaos theory would say, a “bifurcation point”. From then on in writing my paper I felt I was coming from another perspective. I really took a step toward healing my negativity in the process of doing that assignment.
Another opportunity to begin changing my perspectives was when we did the line exercise in class. It really struck me to hear honest, open accounts of people in all positions of the room. People in front felt “guilty”. People in back felt “happy”. To me that said: “Don’t envy me.” and “Don’t feel sorry for me”. This enlightenment has gone a long way in re-shaping my prejudices surrounding economic class and other privileges. Similarly, during the circle exercise, I began to see elements of the connectedness in our lives. It was a clear demonstration of the overlapping groups we all belong to. It also helped me to witness and experience what it feels like to be universally accepted, and how environment is important in individual disclosure.
Environment is also another changed perspective for me. In the first few classes we all quickly learned that one of the goals was to work toward eliminating power imbalances in the classroom and in professional settings. When the class didn’t thrive from the syllabus fish bowl exercise and our instructor came to us humble apology. I was one of many that was struck with awe of the authentic stride toward that goal of equal power. Additionally, she offered a definition of humble that really spoke to me. “Humility is ‘on the earth’. Not groveling, but firm”. Another manifestation of the equal power perspective was the Class made rules for behavior. These rules included major ideas like, confidentiality, respect and overall provided with a good human services environment, one we will get used to operating in and likely take with us in our professional lives, and hopefully in other aspects of our lives as well.
I have rekindled a long interest in the connections of peoples. I believe this attraction began as a child when I’d say things like, “I like long, get-to know you talks”. Though I was social I always found myself in retreat type settings and in school, building only a handful of meaningful friendships. I much preferred that true closeness than the superficial friendships I felt from the universally “popular” group in which I always felt welcomed, but never felt fulfilled in. As it relates to this class I recognized this reoccurring theme during the Ally exercise in class when our groups talked about when we wished we had an ally an when we were one. My train of thought has continued for weeks leading to a new and very strong interest in the recognition of, perpetuation of, the building and enjoying of, true connectedness. I am truly beginning to value recognizing and surfacing the deep relationships between people who are more alike than they may feel or think. My ideas and recognizing themes of connectedness are validated through the chaos book, the ally class exercise mentioned above and two of our Blackboard documents relating to systems thinking. From Briggs and Peat I get, “[I]t is less important to notice how systems are in competition with each other than it is to notice how systems are nested within each other and inextricably linked” (Briggs & Peat, p.62). Since we are all linked to our respective systems, and our systems are linked. We are all linked. We should use that to live happier, more fulfilling lives, by becoming more aware of and taking advantage of our inherent connectedness. I give this emphasis back to the class when I read an email I’d written about my thoughts about our connections with each other and what good it would do to recognize and flourish in them. Further, I can only imagine (hope) that I encouraged or inspired people who don’t internalize the concept of further thinking about class content and recognizing themes of subjects in classes and personalize the content of courses to keep thinking.
Another exercise that stirred a realization in me was the five closest friends exercise. I realized that I’ve never pursued my interest in the LBGT community through classes, reading or other research. I decided that I might as well go ahead with it. I only stand to gain perspective and hence growth potential. My interests in this area have touched at least one person specifically because she told me my words meant something to her.
My approach to the assignment “why I want to be a helper” was enlightening for me in order to give definition of what being a good human is to me and additionally not holding myself to a career goal right now. I remember that Mikel said my personalization of the project and words of perpetual change really spoke to her.
My experience in incorporating new ideas, changed perspectives and renewed interest into my thoughts and goals in this class relate to the National Standards and Learning Outcomes much like the last spectrum of gains did. Both directly and abstractly. Standard 19 speaks to the worth of the individual, confidentiality and professional behavior and environment. Standard 20 relates to consciousness of self, limitations, and awareness of diversity. Standard 12 directly requires the understanding of human systems, something I’m specifically aiming to learn more about. Again, I feel that this collection of new knowledge first helps me on a personal level to further my awareness and breadth in which I lead my life. This will be exceedingly important in my continued journey through the stages and milestones of this program. By broadening my scope of potential for learning, I ensure my success.
There are a few areas in which class content helped me recognize my need for improvement. In reading Persepolis, I was confirmed in my long felt lacking in my worldly knowledge and utter lack of interest in the concepts therein. While the personalities, experiences and relationships stuck with me, the state of the country, the political story and world level concepts was all but completely lost on me. I welcome the highlight of a known weakness of mine, and yet, still have no real answer as to how I’ll remedy this. Another previously well known weakness of mine that was highlighted in this class was my tendency in being harshly self critical about my progress, performance, boundaries. Just when I feel I’ve neared my limit in terms of performance or personal resources (mental, emotional physical abilities), I push to expand those limits rather than respect them. My paradox is the need to learn that respect and that my tendency to push those limits is what makes me grow and succeed. How do I continue to progress and give myself a break at the same time? Yet another answer I’ve yet to find. My last area for growth is in my (not) asking for and utilizing help. The helping exercise we did over the course of a few weeks really helped me to highlight my need for attention in this area. Not something I think is impossible to change; it’s just about keeping it in my mind and beginning to learn new habits in thinking and actions.
I’ve taken each assignment as an opportunity to creatively engage within this class and plan of study. I feel confident that I am utilizing every opportunity in the most beneficial way for my continued learning and growth. I also believe that this approach to my learning will not lead me astray in the Human Services program or field of professionals. Given the accumulation of learning opportunities that lay behind me and ahead of me, I believe the end of my journey will show that I’ll have both maintained my own integrity of purposefully attending college and fulfilled the ideals of the faculty and national association when they optimistically laid out a path for building a community of capable professionals and valued people.

Resources
Briggs, J., & Peat, F. D. (2000). Seven life lessons of chaos: Spiritual wisdom from the science
of change. New York: Harper Perennial.
Kottler, J. A. (2000). Doing Good: Passion and commitment for helping others. Philadelphia:
Brunner-Routledge.
O’Hara, A., & Weber, Z. (2006). Skills for human practice: Working with individuals, groups, and communities. Victoria, Australia: Oxford University Press.
Palmer, P. J. (2000). Let your life speak: Listening for the voice of vocation. San Francisco:
Jossey-Bass.